Molly ღ (x3_molly) wrote,
Molly ღ

I haven't updated in a long time.

I have a lot of feelings. I promise to try and focus on the positives. Pinky promise.

My job is up and down every single day. Some days are okay. Some days are down right miserable. I'm way over qualified and everyone knows it. My boss is former military and I'm... Not. Obviously. I'm a fantastic worker IMO, but I'm kind of a free spirit and I'm very sarcastic. My other bosses are 100000% ok with this, but my direct boss just... Isn't. She's shy and quiet. I'm outgoing and loud. Sad to say, she's made me cry more than once. My tears are shed in private, of course; I would never let her see me cry. But it's an anxiety inducing situation. I REALLY REALLY do not want to go back to taking my Xanax more than once every six months, but at this point... I don't know.

I had a physical relationship some months ago with a coworker. It's completely legal and OK in our company, he's not my superior or anything. It was a mistake from the beginning and I'm filled with regret every time I see him (so, everyday?). He's an awful person and has said and done some really abusive and fucked up things. And now a girl who I considered my friend is dating him. I share a desk with her (facing different ways) which means I see him even more. YAY. She told me I should let go of my dislike for him and I nearly told her to fuck off.

Since I moved to Lansing and, more so, since January, I've become so close with one of my coworkers, Sam. She isn't just a coworker. She's my best friend. I tell her nearly everything and there's no judgment, which is wonderful because I make some questionable life choices. Next to Jessica, who I call my soul mate, Sam is my best friend in the world.

I'm terminally single. Part of it is the fact that I go for questionable men, but part of it is the fact that I'm 26, lol. I don't have any desire to be in a long term relationship anytime soon. But this year, I've spent more nights than I'd like to admit crying over the men who have come and gone. And I don't mean a few tears. I've had some sob fests.

Running is still the love of my life. I love running more than most people. Running makes me feel whole. Running is my drug and my therapy. I've had some rough times with running this year, but I also think it's because I've had some tough times with life. I'm still training for my first marathon. October 18 in Detroit! I'm scared. Can I call in sick?! Kidding. Kind of.

I think part of the reason why I haven't been updating is because I will just sound so dang negative. And I'm not going to sit here and say my life sucks: I have many blessings. I'm not going to sit here and say I'm not at fault for anything bad that has happened to me: I've put myself in the line of fire sometimes, expecting not to get burned. But, I'll be honest. So far? It's July 2nd (as of 2.5 hours ago), and 2015 currently ranks as one of the worst years of my life.

I am so lucky to have my family and friends this year. They've loved me even though I haven't been super lovable. They've listened to me bitch, they've seen me at my worst this year, and they've stood by my side while I've made some questionable decisions. Sam has only said "I told you so" once, and she could've a million other times. I call that a win.

Alright. Lots of words. Lots of feelings. If you're having a good year, send me some good vibes! If you're having a bad one, send some wine and let's commiserate or something. Love you guys.
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